Lisa's Corner

Feelings for Today

2010-10-27T15:19:00.000-07:00

Well, nothing new is going on, yet. We are going to the CCB convention on Friday through the weekend. I am excited about it. I can't wait to meet new people. I hope I get to work out soon. I hate sitting all the time but what can I do. I feel alone. I have nobody to walk with. The puppy needs to walk!

Just Thincking

2010-10-26T16:30:00.000-07:00

I wish I could have nice things like a nice house, wear nice thingslike dresses and makeup. I know I could I am already 34 years old. But I feel that I am not that person. I can only wish those things. I wish I could go to church every Sunday, pray the rossary with out any problems. I wish I could walk every day. I wishI could have friends to call me every day. I miss the friends I hadin Colorado. It was so nice. We were all in the same boat. Blind, unemployed, we had the same needs. We were socially in the same things. We were one family.

I am Paranoid

2010-05-17T10:15:00.000-07:00

My brother and I are in a vending machine business, at least we are trying to start one. I feel really paranoid because noone has contacted us and I feel so dejected about it. I hope out there someone will want to put the machine in their business. It's so hard right now. I cannot deal with this anymore. I need my brother to perk up a little bit so I feel that he has the attitude that we can do it. I feel that I am in it alone sometimes. I think this is the wrong business for us. We want a business but this is not it.

Feeling Sort of Confused

2009-12-15T10:06:00.000-08:00

Okay, I am here in my apartment. I have a final tomorrow, which I think I am ready for. I don't even know if I really care how I am doing in school anymore. I don't know if I will finish or go back to school. I do have a degree. I need to be with Brett but I feel that I think I have something going on here. I don't know. I want to do alot. Maybe I should go to school to just sing. That is all I got-- my voice. I am tired of living alone and I do love Brett. Maybe we can find something for me to do in Alamosa. I need to be with him. It would be nice to bbe near my boyfriend than near my ex-boyfriends--don't you think?

Now What?

2009-12-14T10:11:00.000-08:00

It is the week of finals. I only haf to take one out of two of my classes; fortunately i was excused by my intorduction to business instructor to not take the final because I passed the class with an A. Now, I don't know what to do with my self. I could study for my other class, which would be the logical thing to do, or I could plan to do something fun after I am done with that final. I want to start a tradition where some of the cousins would bake something for the holidays. I wanted to do that last year. I think I should do it myself because it seems to take to much time wasted to wait for things to happen. I will do things by myself. If other people want to join me, then the more the merrier. I would like to do candy or cookies, anything to make the holidays feel festive. I could do my traditional brownies and apple coffee cake. I can't wait. I will bake them even if I have to get the ingredients by myself.

What I Learn this Week

2009-11-13T07:46:00.000-08:00

I learned in ibntro to business that first I have to invest in myself and second is a house. A house is what I always wantee. I have beentaking of myself and my family in a way especially my mom. I am not responsible of her I need to to take care of myself. I want toleave California so I don't have to feel responsible of anyone any more. I am only one person, I have to take care ofmyself. She used to tell me everything about her I had no way of leaving th house because I felt that she cornered me. I am in my own place bu I feel that I don't have my own say how I want my home to be or how I could get out and be with my boyfriend. I want to be with him. That is another thing, he does not to live in Colorado anymore,or at least live in the snow anymore. I don't know what to do. I just need to take of just myself. I hate this. I don't like this. I am not happy at where I am at.

Here Abain

2009-10-20T13:48:00.000-07:00

I am home bored. I do have homework to do but I want to doo something else. I wish I can do something fun.Idon't have friends to call me. They have their own lives. I don't want to bother them. I am more than half way done with the semester, can't wait till it's done. I want to take theater and singing class next semester. I want to laugh again.I am tired of being sad, its time to be happy again.

It's been a While

2009-10-15T15:27:00.000-07:00

I started school semester. I had my midter for my buinsess 100 class. Next I take one for my business english class. I am nothappy. I can't do this anymore. I feel that I can't do anything tha ill make me happy. I need som help but I am not sure what to ask for. I have to meet with my counselor over at the daisabled office I think next weekfor next semester's schedule. But, I don't know if I want to fininsh school anymore. I feel lost. Idon't if I wantto go back. I wish I can have afamily ofmy own. But, how am I going to support myself financilly. I feel like a looser right now. I want to call a friend but I know whatshe will say. I feel like I'm alone sometimes. It's not fair. I want to be near Brett,but what am I suppose to do there. I don'twantto be a housewife. I need mor purpose than that. Some of the friends I have here in town are busy doing their own thing. I cn't bother them, can I. One hasa kid, the other is so selfish, and I can't deal with that. I have my family, but they have life of their own. I am alone. I'm just alone. I am back. I got a calll from Brett and my friend Heather. God, I think you are watch me, thank you.

I'm Tired of This

2009-06-05T11:44:00.001-07:00

I want change. I am exercising but not getting any results. I need to see more constancy withthe exercises we do.. I need change. I might have to stop my membership and find someone else to work out with.

Frustrated

2009-06-04T09:24:00.000-07:00

I am mad that my aunt when to the bathroom with me atmy cousin's wedding show. I know that I am blind but I am 32 years old and don't needa shaperone [sorryingfor the spelling]. Maybe it's a culturing thing or my aunt feels sorry for me, or maybe she is scared forme because I would be in the bathroom by myself. I can't deal with it anymore. I have toleave. I don'tbelong here. I live near people who are pretty shady and my parents I think want meto live near them. This was one of the stupidest things I have done yet. This was a mistake moveing nearthem. I can't deal with this anymore.

What to Do?

2009-06-03T15:40:00.000-07:00

I amnot sure what \I am doing.I hate toask formoney from an organization. I know I need to find a way to get money to payfor my education. But I don't if I should I am staying of leaving with Brett. Idon't want to be completely dependent on him. I want to be self-sufficient that is why I want to be back to school. The degree I got is really not a specific one. I want to be an accountant.

Going Back to School

2009-05-28T15:02:00.000-07:00

I'll be going to school next semester. I have to see Brett this summer. I feel bad I won't be with him when I do. He has been so supportive in what I do. I miss him a lot. I have to look for a ticket to go out there.

Still Living

2009-05-21T13:27:00.000-07:00

Today's my dad's and my cousin Rica's birthday. Happy Birthday to them both. Anyway, I am happy. I want to be a star. Before I turn 40 I hope I can find away to make it out there again. I miss that stuff. Ican do it!

Just Thinking

2009-05-20T18:18:00.000-07:00

I am just sitting here at home thinking. Of course, what does one do when one is alone. Iwent to the gym for about an hour thenI stayed home. I was invited to go to someone house but felt lazy toleave. I have been reading a book series by Diane Mott Davidson. I can't stop reading her book. Perhaps its because I like the story and the reader's voice. Anyway, I have told you how I been playing the piano and sort of sing to myself. I haven't done that in a long time. I don't why. I have been thing about the talk my brother and I had on Saturday. I miss entertaining people. I like to feed them as well as singing to them. I love doing that kind of thing. It feels good inside. I like making people happy. The applause orthe words of appreciation is nice. Guess, I'll see where I can go with this idea. I justneed to be around the right people.

Thinking Again

2009-05-20T09:57:00.000-07:00

My brother and I were talking on Saturday night. It was a mix of everything I think. He was talking about how I used to entertain people by singing and how he wants to do the same things like acting and singing. I want that too but I am afraid. I can't do it.I am trying now to do little things like singing in my apartment. It feels weird and good at the same time. I'll see where it will take me with this exercise of mine. I do want to entertain people again. But to make money, I want to be an accountant.

I'm Going back to School

2009-05-13T14:27:00.001-07:00

I can't wait. My Voc rehab counselor is going to authorize or at least see if shecan authorize me in going back to school. I can't wait. I will be an accountant,or an assistant accountant. I hope that Brett is going to be okay with the whole ordeal.

Nothing New

2009-05-06T12:03:00.000-07:00

I am not doing anything new. I go to the gym with Stacey and just spend the rest of my day at home. I should do something fun, but I don't. I don't have the kind of things I used to have when I was in Colorado. I know that I can make the most of the things I do have but I don't have the security I used to have as far as the community I live in. It is horrible. I know I can just ignore it but I am afraid of being hurt, that's all.

Another Day

2009-05-03T19:03:00.000-07:00

Nothing new is happening as for now. I just pray that something good will happen this year. Lord, hear my prayer. You're my shepperd and I am your sheep.

Need to Move On

2009-05-02T07:44:00.001-07:00

I need to definitely moveaway frommyfamily.I feel that Iam toold to be near them especially the way things are. I can't go to my parents anymore to do laundry. I'm better than that. I don't want to clean their house either. I don't live there. I guess it's a gesture because I do laundry there. Anyway, I need to be where I can travel safely and not have to worry about being harassed or depending on my family other than moral support

Doing Okay

2009-04-30T10:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not going to loose him.he is supportive. I got an E-mail from my voc rehab counselor about getting train in NIB which is a sheltered workshop. I can't do that, although anything looks nice right now. Other than that, things are okay for.

I Might Loose Him

2009-04-23T13:12:00.000-07:00

I want to go back to school. But I'm afraid I'll loose him. I want to be near him. I am so tired of living alone. I want him near me all the time. I have to be near him. I am getting old. I need my boy. He makes me laugh, think, and is very supportive. We haven't been together for for 2 years that is too long. I don't know what I am doing. I am so lost inside. I want to have a purpose. I want to be near him. I feel that I am trap here and am so sad.

What I've Noticed

2009-04-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

I can't believe the people I have met. I wantto meet intelligent people especially those that use common sense like they way they act in public. I am talking about appearance, socially, I mean living right. I know I haven't been the bestmyself, but at least be presentable. That what I need. I needto meet intelligent, down to earth, and decent people. Some that I have met have not. I need once that want to have a fulfilling life. I wantto live a live that has more meaning than sitting in front of the computer, watching TV, or seeing what tonight's dinner is going to be. Iwant alife of purpose. I can't around people who are like that, it is so depressing.

Still Deciding

2009-04-21T08:51:00.000-07:00

I am still undecided. I want to be with Brett. I can't be with him. My friends that were around us say to go to him. The people here say that I should go back to school. Iam just tired of being alone. It's so hard. I want a career but I want to be near Brett when it happens. I'm lost.

In the Fork on the Game of Life

2009-04-20T09:07:00.000-07:00

I am not shre what path to take. I can either go to school here where I have a lot of support and the people at the school can help me. But, Brett isn't here. I could to to school where Brett is at but I don't know anybody het and regab is not going to support me there either. They are not taking blind clients, they have to be put on a waiting list. I just feel confuse. I have been reading Joyce Myer's book on Listening to God. I have not gotten too much into the book. I just need something. I have options which I have to decide on soon.

Needingto Move Away

2008-08-26T13:43:00.000-07:00

I need to move near Brett. I can't be here anymore. People are not willing to change and I can't deal with the stuff that they do around me and around each other.It is so hard to watch. I need to move on with my life.I tried, now I am done.

Need to Tell

2008-05-24T11:38:00.000-07:00

I need to tell my parents howI feel about Brett. It's so hard to be away from him for so long and in such a distance. I want to be with him. Wish me luck.

What to Do

2008-05-14T13:36:00.000-07:00

I wantto be with Brett. It's not fair we are so far away. I miss him so much. He told me I could be his assistant to the manager. I want to be payed and not to work with him. I want to be near him. It's so hard. I dream of starting a life with him where we were both working, but not at the same place.

Another Day

2008-05-06T12:01:00.000-07:00

I am now writingon a lonely day where I havenonone tosee.I am tired of being alone. But I would be rather be lonely and alone than be in a crowd and feel lonely. Where do I go. I need stuff. I am actually going to finally do something that is worth my while. I ill be a ISP (Independent Service Provider). I hope that this will work. I can't wait. I am going somewhere. Unless, Brett wants me to be swoop up in his arms and take me away, I don't mind that.

Feeling discouraged

2008-04-28T18:10:00.000-07:00

I feel unhappy. I have new coounselor who won't listen to me. I have no say how I want things done. I need to tell her what I am doing. I guess she is new. I know what I want. In am sad. I want to go back to school and get my degree. the other one was for mom and dad, this one is for me. I feel somewhat lonely. I can't wait to tell Brett. If I have to, I will sell things so I can afford to go back to school. Maybe I should do things on my own. I will sell things soI can buy books. If I have to, I will live on the streets to finish my degree in accounting. I need to see people after that talk. I am so unhappy.

I have a change of Plans

2008-04-28T14:11:00.000-07:00

I want to go back to school for my BS in Accounting. I deserve it. I have to do it. I feel it in me. I may move further than I need to go. I have to doit.

Loosing Dignity

2007-12-10T12:29:00.000-08:00

Getting Connected

2007-11-27T12:48:00.000-08:00

There is a Light

2007-11-13T10:29:00.000-08:00

Just Surviving

2007-10-29T13:06:00.000-07:00

Nothing has Change

2007-10-16T12:00:00.000-07:00

Whatis New

2007-10-05T12:40:00.000-07:00

Back Again

2007-09-12T13:43:00.000-07:00

Where Do I Go?

2007-09-08T13:08:00.000-07:00

More Things to Say

2007-08-22T09:26:00.000-07:00

Just Writing

2007-08-22T09:23:00.000-07:00

Being Alone

2007-08-15T17:54:00.000-07:00

I have Finally did It!

2007-08-15T17:22:00.000-07:00