Feelings for Today

Well, nothing new is going on, yet. We are going to the CCB convention on Friday through the weekend. I am excited about it. I can't wait to meet new people. I hope I get to work out soon. I hate sitting all the time but what can I do. I feel alone. I have nobody to walk with. The puppy needs to walk!

Just Thincking

I wish I could have nice things like a nice house, wear nice thingslike dresses and makeup. I know I could I am already 34 years old. But I feel that I am not that person. I can only wish those things. I wish I could go to church every Sunday, pray the rossary with out any problems. I wish I could walk every day. I wishI could have friends to call me every day. I miss the friends I hadin Colorado. It was so nice. We were all in the same boat. Blind, unemployed, we had the same needs. We were socially in the same things. We were one family.

I am Paranoid

My brother and I are in a vending machine business, at least we are trying to start one. I feel really paranoid because noone has contacted us and I feel so dejected about it. I hope out there someone will want to put the machine in their business. It's so hard right now. I cannot deal with this anymore. I need my brother to perk up a little bit so I feel that he has the attitude that we can do it. I feel that I am in it alone sometimes. I think this is the wrong business for us. We want a business but this is not it.

Feeling Sort of Confused

Okay, I am here in my apartment. I have a final tomorrow, which I think I am ready for. I don't even know if I really care how I am doing in school anymore. I don't know if I will finish or go back to school. I do have a degree. I need to be with Brett but I feel that I think I have something going on here. I don't know. I want to do alot. Maybe I should go to school to just sing. That is all I got-- my voice. I am tired of living alone and I do love Brett. Maybe we can find something for me to do in Alamosa. I need to be with him. It would be nice to bbe near my boyfriend than near my ex-boyfriends--don't you think?

Now What?

It is the week of finals. I only haf to take one out of two of my classes; fortunately i was excused by my intorduction to business instructor to not take the final because I passed the class with an A. Now, I don't know what to do with my self. I could study for my other class, which would be the logical thing to do, or I could plan to do something fun after I am done with that final. I want to start a tradition where some of the cousins would bake something for the holidays. I wanted to do that last year. I think I should do it myself because it seems to take to much time wasted to wait for things to happen. I will do things by myself. If other people want to join me, then the more the merrier. I would like to do candy or cookies, anything to make the holidays feel festive. I could do my traditional brownies and apple coffee cake. I can't wait. I will bake them even if I have to get the ingredients by myself.

What I Learn this Week

I learned in ibntro to business that first I have to invest in myself and second is a house. A house is what I always wantee. I have beentaking of myself and my family in a way especially my mom. I am not responsible of her I need to to take care of myself. I want toleave California so I don't have to feel responsible of anyone any more. I am only one person, I have to take care ofmyself. She used to tell me everything about her I had no way of leaving th house because I felt that she cornered me. I am in my own place bu I feel that I don't have my own say how I want my home to be or how I could get out and be with my boyfriend. I want to be with him. That is another thing, he does not to live in Colorado anymore,or at least live in the snow anymore. I don't know what to do. I just need to take of just myself. I hate this. I don't like this. I am not happy at where I am at.

Here Abain

I am home bored. I do have homework to do but I want to doo something else. I wish I can do something fun.Idon't have friends to call me. They have their own lives. I don't want to bother them. I am more than half way done with the semester, can't wait till it's done. I want to take theater and singing class next semester. I want to laugh again.I am tired of being sad, its time to be happy again.